Friday, April 25, 2008
I have way too many half-written poems in my head.
"I have a haiku poem inside of my
head but the words are written in invisible ink"Darren Hayes, I Just Want
You to Love Me
That pretty much sums it up quite nicely.
Anywho, ANZAC Day weekend. I should be cramming for chem. Because knowing how to draw a molecular structure will definitely come in handy one day. *sigh* Chemistry and I have a very love-hate relationship. And that n = cv formula. Which always appears in my head as n = c/v and means that jess winds up writing up chem pracs five times. And will still probably only get a 2 for conclusion and evaluation. Oh well. We have...six pracs left. Six chances to get a three. Three chances to get two threes. The probability of that isn't too bad. I only have to increase the standard of my work by...fifty percent.
Wow. Really should have done higher math instead of higher chem.
*squee* I love this song!
"If I have understood correctly, velocity is the distance
travelled divided by time. I've read every word ever printed on quantum
physics and now it is time to try."Darren Hayes, How To Build A Time Machine
And people say I'm a nerd. Psht. As if.
But yeah. Time to get back to work. If I want to actually pass chem. And IB in general. Because this pesky little thing I call my EE needs to get done yesterday. *sigh*
I taught myself to hate you
For the fear of loving you
Said once, never again,
Afraid that you'd hurt me
Once more. Unintentional, maybe,
But that doesn't change the past
And all the sleepless nights I spent
Awake underneath my blankets, turning
Relentlessly, as if it was happening over and over
Blown out of proportion in my mind.
I'm scared of committing myself, and it's obvious from
The way I can't be honest, avoid the subject,
I know I'm blocking myself off from you, and I don't want to
I just can't let go. I can't be vulnerable, no matter
How much I trust you. Instead, I build the anger within,
Fanning my hatred for you, taking every little thing you say
That can be taken the wrong way
And use it against you, forgetting the forehead kisses and
Holding hands, the sound of your voice, the moments of perfect intimacy,
How it felt to hear you sing for me and confess that I
Was your favourite audience. No, none of that works for me,
I need you to screw up, so that we can break up,
And I can run away from the best thing that's happened to me
For a long, long time. You're amazing. Wonderful. I treasure
Every minute I'm in contact with you, that I'm thinking of you
- It sickens me to consider giving you up. But the possibility still lingers,
As to wound myself now seems a small price to pay if it means
That I can avoid the heartache of losing you after loving you.
I want to give myself up to you, all my fears, to surrender and hope that
You care enough not to rip me apart, disregard my feelings and lead me on.
But I can't, not alone. Yet...
I promise you that I'll try to relinquish these doubts,
Try to leave my shell and enter this relationship if you help me.
If you guide me and have patience, I'll let myself love you, one day,
Giving up lessons learned in hating you.
Lessons Learned in Hating You
Labels: chemistry, darren hayes, poetry, procrastinating