``musings and more, insanity galore

Sunday, August 10, 2008

"We ask these questions, then we cover our ears,
but I think a question unanswered's much worse than an answer you don't want to hear.
When your silence grows wings and your doubts start to travel
now the seams between the virtual and real they unravel now.
What have you done?
Don't you know not to stare into the sun,
but on down that road?"
Josh Pyke, Staring Down The Sun

So yeah. What is left to say? I'm moving on. Without you. I can forgive, and I do. But I can't forget, and I don't want a part of this any more. I met you for a reason, I kept you for a reason, we ended it for a reason. And I'm not holding onto a pointless dream of friendship any longer - it hurts too much. It hurts to watch you walk away and act like we had nothing, but it hurts so much more to cling to this false hope. I'd rather feel the pain now than have to deal with it in November. As the Bond University Admissions officer said to me, it's year 12. I have to be selfish - I want a mark to make me proud, not reflect how screwed up things got. Maybe you'll understand, though I doubt you will. You didn't last night, and you won't ever apologise for the things you said, how absolutely brutal you were. I tried so hard. But let's face it. You don't care. That's the short and long of it. I'm not travelling down any road that may result in my own self-destruction. Honestly, you're not worth it. I'm not apologising any more.

Labels: josh pyke, procrastinating, rambling, sadness, the end.

posted by jess *, @ 7:11:00 pm

jess;; eighteen. ib graduate. chronic sufferer of writer's block. french speaker. physics geek. lame to the log base e of thirty seven. often uses math to express the quantity of a certain emotion. or her sarcasm. or her decrease in iq in relation to spending time with her friends. mostly the latter. and where math fails, she writes poetry. because it's kind of hard to express unrequited lust and emotion in general in terms of math. although, life is rather like a sine graph, and how high you get is dependent on the dilation parallel to the x axis which can be determined by your life experiences...but jess doesn't think she's a nerd. she doesn't study enough. speaks often in the third person. thinks too much for her own good. listens to the same song one hundred times on repeat. because listening to a depressing song once just isn't enough. queen of innuendo. insane. wannabe psychiatrist. she thinks. honestly, she has no clue what she wants to do with her life. has feminist tendencies. Christian. loves australian football. peter wentz's guitar. toby rand's tambourine. loves singing but can't hold a note. so, instead, she loves her singers. and nice eyes. addictive personality, permanently worried about something. also permanently on guilt trips. because she's very good at that. generally changes her mind thirty seven times. daughter of overprotective parents. happy emo. the jesster. loves lyrics more than music. would describe her life with the lyrics to self-conclusion by the spill canvas. is sandra's sexy bitch. solitaire slut. moody cow. has crazy-ass friends. is slowly working on a manuscript. normally the former. chocoholic. creative. sketches all the time. when she's not writing. is bringing sexy back. wants to live in paris. in the chateau du versailles. and ride a moped. has spent two nights in paris. seems to always be involved in love triangles, or friendship triangles, or something that requires her to stay up at night worrying because she freaks out that it's her fault. which is a little irrational. coincidentally, that's her middle name. attention whore. loves musicals and acting. writes poetry whenever she's emotional and always starts crying. always. is obsessed with snape and the sex god that is alan rickman. hates showing weakness. loves aladdin. instinctively answers in french. gives objects unoriginal names. such as monsieur vache for her cow wrist pad. actually names and talks to inanimate objects. has a twin. in fact, she has many twins. questions sincerity by the minute. always needs sleep. hopeless romantic. procrastinator. overuses asterisks in msn conversations. narcissist. writes when she's emotional. loves hugs and being held. is a sentimental sort of person. pretty sure she thinks too much. believes that eyes are the window to the soul. stubborn. is pretty much insane, but life is too short to waste being angry. even when some deserve it. has the most amazing friends in the world. is going to be a famous playwright, just you wait.