``musings and more, insanity galore

Friday, January 09, 2009

Sixteen random factoids.

I constantly underestimate myself because I'm afraid that I'll never live up to my own expectations. Or those of anyone else.
I'm hopeless at making really good friends because I hate being rejected. It's the whole 'you only get hurt in the end' mindset. That and my whole 'I've been abandoned by everyone who I've let in' complex.
My interior monologue frequently uses 'LOL', but I would never say it out loud because it would undercut everything I've ever said.
I have an obsessive-compulsive desire to define myself by descriptors that don't relate to my personality, such as 'IB Nerd' or 'Physics Geek'.
I don't regret my choice of subjects. I did it my way, and it wasn't about doing well. It was about being happy and choosing a path that I'd enjoy.
Half of me wants to get into Medicine purely to piss my ex off.
I don't actually believe that I'll get into Medicine, but I can't see myself doing anything else, except maybe something to do with politics.
Blonde jokes are my oxygen.
My personality revolves around extremes; there is no middle ground. I'm happy or depressed, never anything else.
When I'm writing, the semi-colon is my best friend.
I use really weird relationship metaphors for everything. Such as saying that the semi-colon is my best friend, or that my muse is my lover in a J.D. and Elliot sort of way.
I don't think that J.D. deserves Elliot, just as I don't believe that Dan deserves Serena.
I'm intimidated really, really easily.
I've never been in love with someone, but I've been in love with the concept thereof.
I believe that God exists, but I will never believe in Christianity. I think it encourages narrow-mindedness, and that it doesn't respect the fundamental ideal of God: that to believe is a choice. Every aspect of our lives is a choice. I will never enforce my beliefs on someone else, but I will discuss them and why I hold them.
I am pro-abortion and pro-euthanasia, but I would never engage in either practice.

posted by jess *, @ 8:47:00 pm

Monday, January 05, 2009

99.30
just please let it be good enough.
because now that i have a chance at med
i've convinced myself that i've screwed up the interview.
do i not like giving myself a hope in hell?
or am i just really afraid of disappointment?

posted by jess *, @ 2:32:00 pm

jess;; eighteen. ib graduate. chronic sufferer of writer's block. french speaker. physics geek. lame to the log base e of thirty seven. often uses math to express the quantity of a certain emotion. or her sarcasm. or her decrease in iq in relation to spending time with her friends. mostly the latter. and where math fails, she writes poetry. because it's kind of hard to express unrequited lust and emotion in general in terms of math. although, life is rather like a sine graph, and how high you get is dependent on the dilation parallel to the x axis which can be determined by your life experiences...but jess doesn't think she's a nerd. she doesn't study enough. speaks often in the third person. thinks too much for her own good. listens to the same song one hundred times on repeat. because listening to a depressing song once just isn't enough. queen of innuendo. insane. wannabe psychiatrist. she thinks. honestly, she has no clue what she wants to do with her life. has feminist tendencies. Christian. loves australian football. peter wentz's guitar. toby rand's tambourine. loves singing but can't hold a note. so, instead, she loves her singers. and nice eyes. addictive personality, permanently worried about something. also permanently on guilt trips. because she's very good at that. generally changes her mind thirty seven times. daughter of overprotective parents. happy emo. the jesster. loves lyrics more than music. would describe her life with the lyrics to self-conclusion by the spill canvas. is sandra's sexy bitch. solitaire slut. moody cow. has crazy-ass friends. is slowly working on a manuscript. normally the former. chocoholic. creative. sketches all the time. when she's not writing. is bringing sexy back. wants to live in paris. in the chateau du versailles. and ride a moped. has spent two nights in paris. seems to always be involved in love triangles, or friendship triangles, or something that requires her to stay up at night worrying because she freaks out that it's her fault. which is a little irrational. coincidentally, that's her middle name. attention whore. loves musicals and acting. writes poetry whenever she's emotional and always starts crying. always. is obsessed with snape and the sex god that is alan rickman. hates showing weakness. loves aladdin. instinctively answers in french. gives objects unoriginal names. such as monsieur vache for her cow wrist pad. actually names and talks to inanimate objects. has a twin. in fact, she has many twins. questions sincerity by the minute. always needs sleep. hopeless romantic. procrastinator. overuses asterisks in msn conversations. narcissist. writes when she's emotional. loves hugs and being held. is a sentimental sort of person. pretty sure she thinks too much. believes that eyes are the window to the soul. stubborn. is pretty much insane, but life is too short to waste being angry. even when some deserve it. has the most amazing friends in the world. is going to be a famous playwright, just you wait.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Sixteen random factoids.

I constantly underestimate myself because I'm afraid that I'll never live up to my own expectations. Or those of anyone else.
I'm hopeless at making really good friends because I hate being rejected. It's the whole 'you only get hurt in the end' mindset. That and my whole 'I've been abandoned by everyone who I've let in' complex.
My interior monologue frequently uses 'LOL', but I would never say it out loud because it would undercut everything I've ever said.
I have an obsessive-compulsive desire to define myself by descriptors that don't relate to my personality, such as 'IB Nerd' or 'Physics Geek'.
I don't regret my choice of subjects. I did it my way, and it wasn't about doing well. It was about being happy and choosing a path that I'd enjoy.
Half of me wants to get into Medicine purely to piss my ex off.
I don't actually believe that I'll get into Medicine, but I can't see myself doing anything else, except maybe something to do with politics.
Blonde jokes are my oxygen.
My personality revolves around extremes; there is no middle ground. I'm happy or depressed, never anything else.
When I'm writing, the semi-colon is my best friend.
I use really weird relationship metaphors for everything. Such as saying that the semi-colon is my best friend, or that my muse is my lover in a J.D. and Elliot sort of way.
I don't think that J.D. deserves Elliot, just as I don't believe that Dan deserves Serena.
I'm intimidated really, really easily.
I've never been in love with someone, but I've been in love with the concept thereof.
I believe that God exists, but I will never believe in Christianity. I think it encourages narrow-mindedness, and that it doesn't respect the fundamental ideal of God: that to believe is a choice. Every aspect of our lives is a choice. I will never enforce my beliefs on someone else, but I will discuss them and why I hold them.
I am pro-abortion and pro-euthanasia, but I would never engage in either practice.

posted by jess *, @ 8:47:00 pm

Monday, January 05, 2009

99.30
just please let it be good enough.
because now that i have a chance at med
i've convinced myself that i've screwed up the interview.
do i not like giving myself a hope in hell?
or am i just really afraid of disappointment?

posted by jess *, @ 2:32:00 pm